Coping with Pandemic Stress Using RAIN
Many of us have been affected by pandemic related stress. We’ve been burdened with a “new normal” that may have tapped us of our energy and left us with uncertainty about the future. We may have found ourselves; caregiving like never before, dealing with conflict with loved ones, being alone, experiencing a lack of income, having concerns for the mental health of children, and in fear of more lockdowns. To say that we are stressed, is an understatement. To say that we could use practical skills to help cope, is a given.
Mindfulness strategies are evidence-based and field tested practical skills that can help us to regulate our thoughts and emotions, bring focus and clarity to the tasks at hand, and support our own mental health in everyday circumstances. Mindfulness teacher Michele McDonald is popularly credited for creating the technique R.A.I.N. as a meditation, and several psychologists have since adapted and expanded on it, including Tara Brach, Ph. D., in her book Radical Compassion.
The Practice of R.A.I.N.
(adapted by Tara Brach, PhD)
Anytime you’re feeling troubled or threatened by life take a moment to pause. Wherever you are or whatever you’re doing pause and take a deep belly breath. If you are experiencing violence or trauma then the first thing is to get to a safe place or person.
1 —
R (Recognize)
Recognize what is going on.
Take a moment to recognize what it is that has happened or is happening. For example, “I just yelled at my child and scared them.” OR “I read the news and now I’m panicked.” (We want to avoid working anything that feels like it’s too much and choose something that is bringing up discomfort or frustration that feels workable.)
2 —
A (Allow)
Allow the experience to be there, just as it is.
In this step of the process, we choose to allow what is happening or has happened as reality, without any judgement. Sometimes when we recognize that something upsetting has taken place, we may have a knee-jerk defensive reaction or disassociate from it feeling nothing. For example, “I just yelled at my child and they have been asking for it all day, it’s not my fault they don’t listen.” At other times, we are simply avoiding the pain that is underneath our experience as an evolutionary response. Acceptance might mean, “I yelled at my child and scared them. That makes me sad. That scared me. I became angry quickly.” These are all statements of acceptance that do not involve judgement but a simple “yes” to the reality of the situation for the purpose of dealing directly with what is really happening right now.
3 —
I (Investigate)
Investigate with interest and care.
In this step of the skill of RAIN we begin to investigate our first-hand experience. We DO NOT want to fall into analyzing or intellectualizing the experience, rather we pay attention to what is taking place in the body. “My chest feels heavy, my shoulders are tight, I am hungry, my brow is furrowed, there’s a knot in my stomach.” As we turn our attention towards the body, we begin to receive the first pieces of information about how we might address what’s going on. Perhaps we’ve been so busy taking care of everyone else we simply haven’t eaten. Maybe we are really worried about someone else or need to grieve a loss, but we’ve simply been soldering-on and need to call a therapist or friend. Besides paying attention to the body it is also possible that we might need to look at our beliefs. Perhaps we’ve been believing something like, “This situation will never get better,” or “I’m a bad person.”
4 —
N (Nurture)
Nourish with self-compassion.
As we shift into nurturing ourselves, we want to consider what the hurting place inside most needs and offer some gesture of active care. Tara Brach asks, “Does it need a message of reassurance? Of forgiveness? Of companionship? Of love? Experiment and see which intentional gesture of kindness most helps to comfort, soften, or open your heart. It might be the mental whisper, I’m here with you. I’m sorry, and I love you. I love you, and I’m listening. It’s not your fault.” In the case of feeling hungry we simply may need to make ourselves a decent meal before we can move on. Whatever the situation is self-compassion is an important part of taking care of our inner life so that we can take care of the people and the tasks at hand. Self-compassion researcher, Kristin Neff, PhD, an associate professor at the University of Texas at Austin, tells the story of her son having a very loud melt-down in public and needing to take a moment to give her own arm a gentle rub and say to herself, “I am sorry that this is so hard for you right now, sweetie.” To access a sense of nourishment or comfort, you may connect with; a relaxing sense of open awareness, a spiritual figure, imagine a mentor or friend and what they may say to you, a beautiful scene in nature… this final step of RAIN is meant to help you tend to the unmet need in the best way that works for you.
5 —
After the RAIN
Tara Brach also teaches about “After the RAIN” which is a step where we can integrate the experience, we’ve just had by doing nothing. We take a moment to stop and notice our own wakeful presence. We can ask ourselves, “Do I feel different from when I started?” Has my body relaxed?” And simply rest in the moment of open spaciousness we may have just created for ourselves.
When we have taken care of ourselves in this way we can now go and address whatever we need to with our child or loved one, or even get back to the tasks at hand with fresh perspective.
This practice is also helpful to do alongside a friend or RAIN Partner. There are guided RAIN and partner RAIN mediations found on Tara Brach’s website as well as a free PDF teaching. Attending a mindfulness meditation class is also a great way to take time out to practice skills like this one with others.
RAIN Infographic
